


Under the light of a single star- Destiel S12 Finale

by Bucashu



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Sad Castiel/Dean Winchester, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Supernatural - Freeform, castiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 14:33:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11163867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bucashu/pseuds/Bucashu
Summary: Dean mourns over Castiel's death.He feels betrayal clog his veins as he stares down at the angel.He feels sadness.He feels shame.Dean never told Castiel that he loved him.Dean never showed Castiel how much he needed him.He had always been so afraid and he had always hoped for Castiel to love him back.But now, with the angel dead. He will never know.





	Under the light of a single star- Destiel S12 Finale

The sound of the wind carried a feeling of melancholy within as it blew with such gentleness against Dean’s side.

Dean’s knees were placed upon the muddy floor underneath them, barely keeping him upright as their strong trembling brought Dean to believe that his legs would break down and dismantle themselves from the rest of his being if they kept shaking that way.

He could see him.  
Dean could see Castiel.

Dean could feel his numb, lifeless body lying right next to him. 

It had all happened so fast, the memories were all a blur and they were dancing to a bitter tune inside Dean’s brain.  
His mind was foggy. His heart felt like a punching bag for his emotions as his green eyes tried not to focus on the bloodied wound that invaded Castiel’s middle. 

He couldn't help but blame himself.

At that moment, he was wishing he had done so many things differently from what he had played them out.  
He wished he had spoken those three words he had always feared.  
He wished he could take back so many actions that he had performed in the past. Just so the result of their destiny wouldn't end up there, kneeling beside the dead body of yet another loved one. 

He found himself closing his fists around the thin fabric of the cheap trench coat that covered the angel’s shoulders, wishing that it was him lying on the floor instead of Castiel.

Dean hadn't had realized how much he needed the angel until that very moment.

The air around him felt thick with many feelings floating around, it was overwhelming.

Dean felt as if he couldn't breathe, his lungs ached for the need of oxygen when it felt as if all they were getting was dry sand.

He had lost.

He lost his mom, his best friend and the king of hell (who was good as a drinking buddy, as Dean had previously discovered).

He felt empty.  
He felt numb.  
He felt dead.

Why hadn't he confessed his feelings for the angel before? 

What was he so afraid of?

Rejection?  
No.

He had been scared of losing Castiel.

He had been so scared of being able to properly love Castiel because he knew that when he did, there was no turning back.  
He knew that if he ever did love him, losing Castiel would've been so much more painful than losing him as a friend. 

But what he hadn't known at the time was that at that exact moment as he kneeled beside Castiel’s cold body, he was not just losing a friend. He was losing his world, his will, and his heart.

Dean felt the hand of anguish grab a hold of his being, squishing it with such determination that all Dean felt inside was grief.

Melancholy was spreading through his veins faster than venom would and he knew there was no cure for his disease.   
He was broken.  
He was lost.

He wished we would've said something.

He wished he would've had the courage to love Castiel.

But right then, all those fantasies, all those dreams. That promise of happiness that Dean had once held onto with so much faith that it hurt sometimes. It was all gone.

Castiel was gone.

He tore his gaze away from the angel’s figure and forced it to focus on the sky.

The heavens above him were nothing more than empty matter and darkness.  
It was a starless night and the only sound that Dean was able to hear was his own ragged breathing. _How pathetic._

Dean wasn't crying. For some reason, crying didn't seem to be enough to grief over Castiel’s death. Castiel was worth more than tears. He was worth the entire universe, and Dean was very aware that he wasn't going to be able to give him that.

A sparkle in the sky caught Dean’s attention.

Dean focused his gaze upon that small eruption of light that stood amongst the immensity of dark that seemed to be consuming everything else around.

Dean stared at the star. It was the only one shining in the sky that night. The only promise of hope that Dean could find. 

It was small and it was dull, but it was there.

He looked back a the man lying on the sand beside him and he followed with his stare how a single tear fell out of his eye in rebellion and crashed against Castiel’s pale cheek.

Maybe he was gonna cry for Castiel after all.

His eyes stared blankly at the wet spot for a while before he felt a tsunami of emotions crash against his soul to then drown his spirit inside.

Fear. 

That was what he was feeling at the moment.  
His shaky fingers were a clear indicator of the fact that he was then feeling terrified.

What was he going to do without that man by his side?

He cursed at himself. Remembering that say that insinuated that one never knows what they have until its gone.

Dean thought that say to be bull.

He'd always known what he had, or well, what he didn’t. But he had always been aware of what Castiel could've been able to provide for him.   
Happiness.

He sure as hell wasn't going to be happy anymore. 

But he didn't really care about his happiness anymore, he just wanted Castiel back.

Without any further ponder upon it, Dean lowered himself to the ground. Feeling as his back made contact with the floor beneath him and sensing how the cold sand moistened up his clothes as he did.

His eyes were fixed on the sky once more. He could feel the presence of Castiel’s numb body lying beside him and he found himself wishing it all to be a dream.

Once more, he focused his eyes on that white and shiny single star.

Maybe it was there for something.

Maybe it was a sign.

Chances were it was his angel, shining for him and just for him. Letting him know that he was okay. Letting him believe that he was in a better place and asking him not to mourn his death. Telling his hunter that- 

_Bullshit._

Deans brain forced him back into reality. 

His angel was dead and he certainly was not a star.

Stars were just masses of fire and gas that did nothing more than exist for whatever reason they did.

That star wasn't his angel because his angel was gone and lying dead right beside him.

Dean’s throat felt clogged with emotion as he squished his eyes shut as hard as he could, blindly reaching out with his left hand as he patted the ground beneath him in a search for Castiel's hand.

When his fingers grazed against cold ones, his hand immediately enveloped Castiel’s immobile one inside his, gripping as tightly as he could and thinking that he was never going to let go.

It was nothing more than a broken promise, he knew that, but broken promises were all Dean had left to give.

“I’m s-so sorry”, A choked whisper abandoned his trembling lips. There was nothing left he could do.

He could only lay there next to him until they would both start to rot. 

His grip on Castiel’s hand never faltered but it only grew stronger as another broken promise escaped his lips. 

“I love you”, he cried as the star sparkled mightily above him.

“I love you”, He cried as he felt the small warmth that was left on the angel’s skin slowly turn into ice.

“I love you”, he cried as he felt his will to live slipping away along with the angel.

Dean was done with everything, but little did he know, those promises weren't being cried in vain.

Because little did he know, the angel was going to come back to him in less time than he could've ever imagined.

He just had to hold on.

But…could he?


End file.
